turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
