I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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