I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
