Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
