Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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