well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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