Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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