Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
