He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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