I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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