honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
