kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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