hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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