theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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