just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
