I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
