i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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