Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
