I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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