was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
