you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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