Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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