Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
