just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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