Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
