I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
