That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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