I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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