tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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