ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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