I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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