It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
