i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
