I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it's like iHOP with fire
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
