3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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