That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
