Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
