and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
