in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
