he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
