oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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