This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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