We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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