okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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