He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
