When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
