I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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