Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
