Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
