I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
