What did we do last night that was yellow?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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