I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
