I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
