Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think my fart just growled at me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
