i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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