Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You took a bar mat shot.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
