I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
