Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
