Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
