I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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