I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Come on in and take your pants off
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