So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
