I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
