Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just found a bag of teeth...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
