I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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