...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
