Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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