i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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