I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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