I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
