you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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