do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
