I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
