I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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