Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
