there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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