I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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