I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
