My cat gives me a boner
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
