You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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