somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
