white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
