your room smells of hookers.
And success
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
