Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize