I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
