Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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