TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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