I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
