I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
