I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
