There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
