It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
