I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
