dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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