she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
