I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize