there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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