We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
