He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize