So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
