well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
