Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
