I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
