Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
