it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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