Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
