I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
