can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
if only i could text you this smell
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
