the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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