1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
