i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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