I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
