my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
